Early Interevention to Preschool Transition

I saw this poor woman standing outside Target the other day, she was desperately trying to get her son into the cart just to go into the store. He was a big kid, maybe 5 years of age, oh my gosh he was screaming and stiff she couldn't even get him into the big part of the cart! The kid had a binky in his mouth and wasn't talking or yelling anything at her. He was just mad SO mad!
I think she was signing to him, but it could have just been her trying to make him laugh with funny hand movements to relax him. He was getting madder and madder. The part that was really hard to watch was when he started grabbing and pulling her hair! Jerking her head all over the place. The kid was inconsolable other people were staring at her too...

I couldn't believe what I was seeing, she just held him in her arms while he flailed and arched his back, shaking his head no. Still pulling her hair and actually he pulled some of it out!

She kept saying to him "We have to go shopping, I am sorry you are so mad and frustrated. You can hold my hand and walk or get in the cart"

The look on her face was so odd though....

She looked so calm, she never raised her voice, just waiting for the storm to wash over. 

The screaming stopped for a minute and she whispered something to him and all of a sudden he stopped screaming. Still holding him she walked towards the store.

She was telling him "I am so sorry"

I was trying to figure out what the hell she was sorry for....

Later that I day I saw the same lady!

I was at the mall and she had him this time on her back in a carrier, he had a cup of binkies NO joke a whole cup!

He wasn't screaming this time but he was pulling her hair again and trying to throw his weight around to get her to where he wanted to go. He was throwing his binkies and every time someone looked at him he would hide his face and cry. 

I can't believe I saw her again!

She had the same look on her face and kept talking to him telling him that they needed to do this and that she was sorry.

Seriously what is she sorry for?!

The woman that I saw outside of Target and in the mall on the same day is no stranger to me; that woman is me. The kid that looks like he is 5 years old is my Beast who just turned 3 years old! 

I have heard people talk or say snide comments as they walk by when Beast is having a hard time. I remember not being a parent and seeing parents out with their kids and watching their kids freak out and judge or assume that I knew whatever it was they were doing was wrong.

I have had friends and family out with us when Beast has had a meltdown and completely ignored that they were with us so I could do what I needed to do.

Everything stops and slows down into slow motion. I have to quickly figure out who, what, where and why he might be struggling with whatever it is that sends him over the edge. I have to think about the entire week, our day and where we are. Sometimes I have no clue what actually triggered the meltdown. I just have to find a way to get through to him in that moment. 

Beast is notorious for pulling my hair when he gets so frustrated or overwhelmed. Trust me it hurts SO bad! I muster everything I have to not scream at him or squish his little hand to get him to let go. I try very hard not to yell or scream back at him, I find a very soothing tone and talk to him even though he is so overwhelmed he can't think straight. I can NOT put him down when he is like this he will throw himself on the ground or he will just bolt! I would rather have him pull my hair, even if he is pulling it out!
My job is to keep him safe and try to understand why is he feeling the way he is.

This is the part of Autism that I have a hard time with....

Not because he physically hurts me, or because people stare or make comments, but because I know that he is in so much pain when it happens.

I was sorry for dragging him out of the house knowing that all he wanted to do was stay home and watch TV and cuddle with me. I was sorry that we had been out of the house all morning because his brother had his homeschool bowling, I was sorry because he had horrible diaper rash and we had to go to the store so I could get him ointment. I was sorry because I couldn't just give in and go home because we needed other items so we could get through the day. I was sorry because I knew that the week was full of firsts for him and he was struggling to understand why there were so many changes. I was sorry that he was hurting so bad and I couldn't make it stop.