Early Interevention to Preschool Transition

I figure that there should be a little bit more about who I am, not just the Mom of Bubba and Finn-Beast.

Hi I'm Meghan. I'm 35 stay at home mom to my two awesome boys. My boys have some alphabet soup and so do I. Bubba has ADHD, SPD and ASD. Beast is nonverbal ASD, MCAD and I'm going to say SPD informally. I have ADHD. I am a high school dropout with a GED. I wanted to talk about how I got to be where I am now because I feel that it's important to know that I'm not a super educated person with degrees, but someone who has stumbled, fallen and gotten back up repeatedly. I have learned the hard way that you need to be true to yourself. I want you to understand that you are your worst enemy. Limiting yourself to someone else's standards will do nothing, but make you less than what you are capable of...

I'm going to give a quick back story. I'm adopted from Korea I have 2 older sisters and a younger brother who is also adopted from Korea. My parents are divorced and I grew up with my Mom and brother. I have been in therapy since I was young because of my adoption and the divorce that happened a couple years after I was welcomed by my new family. I was surrounded by my aunts, uncles, cousins and Grandparents. I loved growing up with my extended family. We were so close and it was truly how family should be sharing responsibilities.

Let's fast forward a bit to fourth grade I was diagnosed with ADHD. I was put on Ritalin to help with my impulses and hyperactivity. I HATED my medication! I lost my appetite and had a hard time eating. We moved to a new town too. When we moved we found a stable not far from our house and I began to ride horses. This was my safe haven. The place that I met friends and the world was always right, no matter what. I lived there when I wasn't in school. I learned how to clean stalls, groom the horses, what horses got turned out where. As I got older I had more responsibility at the stables. I would co teach lessons, train horses, school other people's horses. I helped with a special needs hippotherapy as a side walker and leader. I showed in competitions. I fell in love as a teenager with a stable hand, who broke my heart. I switched stables and made new friends and kept some of the old too. I worked on a dairy farm for a few years with my second serious boyfriend. I never was home, really except when I had to go to school, a place that I loathed. I didn't really fit in. I wasn't book smart it took a lot for me to do simple things, but had no issues with the more complex. I sang in choir and competed in solo comps and group. Music has always been a huge part of my life. I came off my medication in middle school because I hated the way it made me feel. I had some amazing bat shit crazy friends. I was not an easy teenager. I was definitely a wild child who didn't make the best choices. I experimented heavily in drugs and partied pretty hard. Yes, in middle school. I always hung with an older crowd. I got into fights and self medicated to try to make my demons quieter. I never could turn off my brain I always had 50 million things going on in my head and couldn't quiet my thoughts. I always felt that I wasn't enough. Things got worse in high school for me. My self esteem was non existent and when my life became overwhelming I started self injurious behavior, I started cutting myself I needed to have control of something. The pain was a relief because I felt it and could be in that moment 100% with no distractions. I lost friends and a lot of them to suicide. My life got really dark. I lost my first horse to a heart attack. My other horse had to be put to sleep while I was in the hospital for hand surgery. I missed my last chance to ride at youth nationals. I was told at 14 that I wouldn't be able to have kids. I dropped out of high school after having a nervous breakdown. The stable hand who broke my heart took his life and it was my breaking point. I had blackout rages and was hospitalized for being suicidal. I lived in a psych ward for a week after a bad break up and was diagnosed with being bipolar. I was put on Depakote, a large dose of it and was a zombie. I worked my way through it with counseling, good friends, family and work. I kept myself busy and found things I was good at. I came off my meds again because I was tired of living in a fog. I found a great counselor who told me that my untreated ADHD was my issue not being bipolar.

I had a crazy rollercoaster of a life. All I ever wanted was to be loved for me and start a family. I was told over and over again to make something of myself, go to college get a higher education find yourself before having kids and settling. The issue was I sucked at school and had NO clue what I wanted to do with my life. I kept repeating the same cycle over and over again. Date a guy move in, break up go home and start it all over again. Reinventing myself time and time again. Finding a little bit more of myself each time.

I always had a great memory for things that I LOVED I could learn everything about it and retain it with no issue. I thought that for sure I  was going to go to college to be a large animal vet or a vet technician. That never happened though....

At 19 I packed up and left Upstate NY to break the cycle and try something new. I didn't though and fell into the same cycle. Then I met my Hubby, we were young. We got engaged quick, pregnant on our honeymoon and then everything fell apart. I lost the baby. I got pregnant even though they said I couldn't. I lost the one thing I wanted in life the most. Someone who share my DNA who would have looked like me, who I would have loved with all my heart. It broke me into a million pieces. It broke my hubby too. We were young and dumb. Our marriage didn't last. We got divorced. We spent almost 2 years apart. One night we met up hashed out all of our baggage, the things we never said and should have. We ended up getting back.together, hoping that this time it would be better. My ex husband is my current husband.

Ya let that sink in for a minute.

I'm 35 and honestly when I was 16 never thought I'd make it to 21!

I've been married, divorced and remarried. I've lost 2 babies and birthed 2. I've lost more friends than I can count on both my hands. I lived more lives and experienced so much.

The biggest thing I learned about myself is that I'm smart, like a hell of a lot smarter than I ever gave myself credit for. I retain large amounts of information really quickly and that I can access it when needed. That my brain works differently than others. I can see a larger picture, when all the components of something are still scattered I can put it all together and apply it in a functional manner. That I have a voice and a powerful one at that!

I have worked in retail and food service. I worked at a vet for years, I got my CDL and drove a school bus for 5 years. I worked with a rescue and did event planning and networking. I've had 3 direct sales businesses that fell to the way side because my kids are more important.

I was told I wouldn't have kids. I was told to make something of myself before settling down. I was told without a college education I would never do anything great with my life.

All I ever wanted was to have a family of my own. I never wanted to be super successful in a career. I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up, besides a Mom.

I made a ton of mistakes along the way in my life failing forward. What I have learned is that by following my instincts and being able to pick myself up time and time again is this: I did get what I've always wanted, I am doing something great with my life without a college education. I have educated myself in areas that I never thought about, because of my boys. I can stand toe to toe with professionals who did go to college and who have their degrees and get what my kids deserve. I can advocate effectively for my boys and be their voice.

I have found that because of my ADHD my hyperfocus is really important to be able to learn as much as I have about special education rights, SPD, ASD and MCAD. That I can wear the many hats I do because my brain never shuts off.

If I had lived by someone else's expectations I would not be the person I am today. I would not have my Husband, my kids, the friends I have or the knowledge I have gained by living.

I wouldn't be the best version of me.