Normal is BORING!

I have found myself on autopilot these past few weeks. You look at your calendar make a mental note of the bat shit crazy schedule, prioritize what you need really give your focus to and move on. I have been so wrapped up making sure my boys get to doctors appointments, assessments, therapies, school and meetings. I haven’t really had a chance to catch up with myself. I haven’t had time to process all the NEW…. I haven’t slowed down. If I do I might lose a step; flying of the wheel. You know when hamsters gets going in those things,the wheels turning into a cyclone under scurrying feet, then boom a blur of fur tumbling being ejected from the crazy ride! Dazed and confused shaking off and trying to figure out what the hell just happened! Ya that is me right now.... Sitting here with my fingers dancing over the keyboard typing away with no end game, no plan, no idea where this is going. I just need to process, get it all out so maybe I can organize my thoughts, quiet the voic...

I am going to address the elephant in the room today. This blog might seem a bit scattered, but it is par for the course considering the writer…. I posted something on Instagram a few weeks ago. It was my “it’s going to be ok moment.” I still feel this way, BUT there is an elephant that lives in our house. One that none of us really want talk about out loud: a “what if.” I think the one thing that is drastically different when you have a child with extra TLC needs is that the “what ifs” are something that you have to stare down; deal with no matter how freaking petrifying it is to say it out loud or put the plans in place. MAKING IT A REALITY….. I have been depressed for months and living in the shadows of my life. I haven't blogged because I was pretty sure someone would wonder if I was going to go back to my old ways of cutting or something else. The thing is about depression and anxiety is that your perception is different. I normally love a good chall...

I saw this poor woman standing outside Target the other day, she was desperately trying to get her son into the cart just to go into the store. He was a big kid, maybe 5 years of age, oh my gosh he was screaming and stiff she couldn't even get him into the big part of the cart! The kid had a binky in his mouth and wasn't talking or yelling anything at her. He was just mad SO mad! I think she was signing to him, but it could have just been her trying to make him laugh with funny hand movements to relax him. He was getting madder and madder. The part that was really hard to watch was when he started grabbing and pulling her hair! Jerking her head all over the place. The kid was inconsolable other people were staring at her too... I couldn't believe what I was seeing, she just held him in her arms while he flailed and arched his back, shaking his head no. Still pulling her hair and actually he pulled some of it out! She kept saying to him "We have to go shopp...

Filled with anxiety, joy, sadness and uncertainty. I had to come to terms with Beast turning three and all the massive change that came with it. Three meant exiting Birth to Three services, saying goodbye to my amazing team, massive routine changes and the BIG one: sending my son to school.... I know all parents have issues with sending their kid to school for the first time. Are they going to make friends? Is their teacher going to be nice? What am I going to do during this time? I hope they behave? My baby is growing up so soon? I know that there are many things that parents worry about when they let go of their child's hand for the first time to enter a new chapter in their lives. I wish my worries were that simple. Before entering Preschool for Beast we had to have a invitational PPT to discuss evaluations and sign forms of consent for testing for placement and skill assessment for a diagnosis for the school. Lots of paperwork is filled out...

I started having some concerns early on with Beast, the biggest being that he wasn't talking or babbling. I had expressed concerns at 9 months, 12 months, and at 15 months I made my point clear to my pediatrician and got a referral to Birth to Three. Bubba was delayed in speech, fine and gross motor. There were other things that I feel if we had had Birth to Three wouldn't have been looked over. I was going to stay on the ball with Beast make sure he got Early Intervention. I remember Bubba's frustration with not being about to communicate with us. Beast qualified for services and we had a great teacher, but he wasn't really making any progress. His ear infections started to come more frequently; finally he got PE tubes. We had concerns that maybe his hearing was being effected by his ear infections. We found out after the tubes and a sedated BAER test that his hearing was good. We had a team meeting and administered the Modified Checklist ...

I figure that there should be a little bit more about who I am, not just the Mom of Bubba and Finn-Beast. Hi I'm Meghan. I'm 35 stay at home mom to my two awesome boys. My boys have some alphabet soup and so do I. Bubba has ADHD, SPD and ASD. Beast is nonverbal ASD, MCAD and I'm going to say SPD informally. I have ADHD. I am a high school dropout with a GED. I wanted to talk about how I got to be where I am now because I feel that it's important to know that I'm not a super educated person with degrees, but someone who has stumbled, fallen and gotten back up repeatedly. I have learned the hard way that you need to be true to yourself. I want you to understand that you are your worst enemy. Limiting yourself to someone else's standards will do nothing, but make you less than what you are capable of... I'm going to give a quick back story. I'm adopted from Korea I have 2 older sisters and a younger brother who is also adopted from Korea. My parent...

I've been published by The Mighty a few times and they sent out these amazingly soft shirts with their logo to their contributors to say thank you! I've been published by The Mighty a few times and they sent out these amazingly soft shirts with their logo to their contributors to say thank you! The first picture was taken on March 12th 2016, why do I know this exact date? This is the date that marks a new chapter in Finn's story. On this day he woke up itchy and had a few hives, called our pediatrician brought him in to be checked out. Gave him some benadryl after our appointment things were ok. We got home I checked the mail and saw a package for me, eagerly opening it I saw it was my shirt so of course I changed into it and took a selfie! I heard blood curdling screams coming from Finn's bedroom. The hair stood up on the back of my neck walking upstairs not sure what I was going to find. What I found was my son on the floor in pain with hives all over him. ...

The breakdown of Autism Spectrum Disorder and Mast Cell Activation Disease both are WAY more complex than what I have written here, I needed a simple way to explain each diagnosis to focus on how the combination of these two conditions impact Finn. I've been struggling at trying to write something about Mast Cell Activation Disease and Autism Spectrum Disorder. It's kind of like adding fuel to a fire, but not sure which one is the accelerant. Autism Spectrum Disorder is a neurological condition that is diagnosed with the ADOS/ Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule with focus in areas with repetitive behaviors, sensory, social and communication. Mast Cell Activation Disease or Mast Cell Activation Syndrome is an immunological condition in which mast cells inappropriately and excessively release chemical mediators, resulting in a range of chronic symptoms, sometimes including anaphylaxis or near-anaphylaxis attacks. Primary symptoms include cardiovascular, dermatolo...

August 21st, 2014 we had a 6 month recheck eye appointment with our FAVORITE eye doc,  Dr. T . I can not say how this man & his staff have been AMAZING over the past almost 8 years (WOW 8 years!). They really have hung in there with us with Bubba & when The Beast had his 2 eye exams; I am SO happy that they like us as people & not just patients! I digress. We showed up I had my 2 plus the little guy I sit for. Ms.D says "want to you to your normal waiting area?" I nodded & smiled. This is funny because this was Bubba's panic room, we don't have to use it that way anymore now it is a Beast containment room. We got settled in then Bubba was brought into the exam room to read charts Ms. D came back stating they were going to get him started; ah hell it was a full exam today! took him back into the room a few minutes later put the drops in & the waiting/complaining begins. I actually enjoy the complaining, no seriously I do! 5 years ago I wo...

I posted on FB about how my boards were all done for our first day of school! Another Mom asked what my system looks like so here is my chaos on boards. I have 3 dry erase boards in my kitchen & magnets on the fridge for The Beast so he can know what the big things of the day are & so he can use them as tools. One board is the current day it includes work for the day & chores The second is the week with lists, things to do ect The third is my Momma board family portrait made by Bubba This is The Beasts fridge board/communication center This is what is in Bubba's room for him & friends It helps me to have to repeat everything a thousand times, now I just say check the board.... That is my crazy on boards.

Oh the things you never thought would make you happy.... Progress are the things I celebrate; my oldest went from a kid who flipped out because his clothes hurt him, food couldn't touch one another, getting his nails or haircut was like having a limb severed, going to the doctors of any kind was a WAR that left me usually bruised from the chest to the middle of my thighs, there was a time that he had to wear socks could not be barefoot even on carpet BUT the socks had to be SUPER soft because if the hem in the toe was too hard he would have a panic attack. OMG getting dirty forget about it! Bubba this weekend worked his butt off in the garage with his Dad, I am SO proud of him he got dirty! I mean laying on the garage floor with grease dirty! Auditory is one of the big things for Bubba loud, unpredictable noises, certain tones, pitches really bother him. This weekend though his Dad told him that he was going to help remove and install the rear bearings in the rear of the Chero...

LifeSchooling LifeSchooling is "homeschooling" in our home; I do not like the term homeschooling because I feel that there is a ignorant stigma around it to certain stereotypes. We are not taking the classroom, it's routine and doubling that in our home.  Bubba does Math, Social, Studies, Science, English, Computer Science, Robotics, Auto Mechanics & LIFE SKILLS. We want our kids to be kids, to enjoy & explore life; not rush through it. I want my kids to know that the house does not come with a maid or a magic fairy who cleans it when they go to sleep. Food that goes in your belly doesn't get there by just asking Mom or Dad. If you lost something there is no wand to shake & it will appear. Responsibility & Accountability are BIG in the house!  I am learning myself to hand over the reins of control in certain areas so I can teach the kids about  R & A ugh it can be hard sometimes. Our definition of schooling is to love learning, to ...

We had an end of the year PPT to discuss how Bubba was doing in class, how services were going with his speech & language pathologist. We found out that his SLP was retiring, he would have a new teacher. He was making progress with her, his teacher & para were helping him cope and effectively communicate. We discussed the plan for next year how many days a week he would be going & what session morning or afternoon.  Bubba qualified for the extended year program from PreK after his introduction period to school. Extended School Year Program a.k.a. Summer School was not what I expected. There was a little boy who did not get along with Bubba, both of them struggling with speech & communication not a great mix. One day I received a phone call letting me know that my son had hit this boy with a spoon on his forehead and gave him an egg. I felt so bad for that little boy & couldn't believe that my kid actually hit another kid. I was used to it with his panic...

Bubba was identified as developmentally delayed, deemed eligible for Special Education PreK he would receive speech & language services. After the PPT Bubba would go to school the following week, 3 days a week receiving Speech & Language services 1 hour a week! I was shocked & excited this meant that he would be going to PreK3 twice. Bubba was always good about me leaving him places he wasn't kid who had a fit when I left. I knew that is was going to be amazing for him to have to learn to communicate with other people not just me. I was terrified that he was going to flip out in the classroom when he couldn't tell them what he wanted or if he was put into a situation that he wasn't comfortable with. There were other concerns beside the delay in speech, Bubba didn't like a lot of things & not a no thank you I'm not fond of that; I mean a full blown panic attack sometimes being combative. There was a window though of how far you could push him ...

The Beast was scheduled for his BAER Test in August, thankfully there was a cancellation and we were able to get in a month sooner. The waiting is the worst part! When you have answers you can find tools to work through whatever may come at you, but having assumptions & what ifs ugh they just suck. You can't really do anything except guess at what might work.... The staff is amazing; very comforting and helpful with the explanation of the anesthesia what they were going to do to him. The thing that I honestly adore about CCMC is the fact that they observed him in the room while we chatted and had a good understanding of his personality.  I just love that they got that The Beast just isn't a kid that you are going to reason with, especially if it is something he doesn't want to do! You kind of just have to muscle through it even though it can be stressful. They administered him a medicine that made his a loopy and wobbly; put some...

I think we have all experienced déjà vu at least at one point in our lives, I am currently going through it with my little guy. We go to our local Family Resource Center in the district for playgroups & we LOVE all the programs that we partake in. We do the ages & stages questioners & I have been able to soundboard off the parent educators there. I am seeing all of the kids in Finn-Beast's peer group & how they are talking & Finn-Beast is not :( I became concerned with Finn-Beast's lack of talking around 15 months & expressed concerns at 18 months when he went for his well baby appointment. They referred us to Birth to 3 for an evaluation to see if he could get services. I called we set up our appointment & they did the 2 hour evaluation. Let me stop here to for a second I was SO shocked with this whole process & SUPER jealous that I didn't have this for Declan. Back on topic; after the evaluation it was decided that Finn wa...